Dealing with anxiety & panic attacks.

Anxiety Depression Film PhotographyMy own film photography. All rights reserved. 

Honesty time dudes. I have always been a worried person, I worry about everything; but recently I have developed anxiety, and begun having panic attacks.

I thought it may be helpful to some people to share my personal experiences and what my homeopathic doctor has told me.

How I deal with panic attacks

Personally, I have bad times and better times; once every couple of weeks I have a period of 2 or 3 days where I'm more sensitive and susceptible to attacks (although I'm generally anxious most of the time). They usually happen when I'm stressed about something I have to do, or when I'm in a small space (like the bus mostly, sometimes the car).
When I feel an attack coming on, I put my sunglasses on so it's less obvious (because if people notice it makes it worse for me) and I breathe deeply. I think it's linked to feeling like I don't have enough air, which would explain the small spaces. Whatever I do, I'm going to have a panic attack, so the best thing is to just ride it out and breathe in and out slowly, until I calm down. It's difficult for me when people want to help me, because I know how to deal with it in my own head, and other people paying attention to me just makes it worse. Luckily now my boyfriend understands this, and lets me deal with it.

Homeopathic Remedies

I went to see a homeopathic doctor, because I knew that if I started taking lots of different pills, I would get anxious about side effects and dosage and ugh, not a fun time.
He told me to do yoga, stop drinking coffee, and stop watching horror films. I'm pretty pissed about the last two, but I can get on board with yoga.

He also prescribed me 4 different remedies: Ignatia Amara for the mornings, Kalium Bromatum for the night, Natrum Muriaticum once a week, and a mix of Valeriana Officinalis, Argentum Nitricum, Phosphoric Acid and Spigelia Anthelmia for when I'm actually having an attack (which I haven't needed yet). He also gave me a big dose of Phosphorus to do once a month if the problem persists.

Ignatia Amara is from the St. Ignatius bean, and it's been used to treat anxiety, depression, insomnia and more.
Kalium Bromatum is Bromide of Potassium. Typically used for insomnia, night terrors, sleep paralysis etc.
Natrum Muriaticum is basically salt. It is used for many, many things, from acne to colds, headaches and digestive complaints.
Valeriana Officinalis or Valerian, is a flowering plant, which has been used to treat insomnia for centuries.
Argentum Nitricum or silver nitrate is a chemical compound. Often used for dizziness, sweating and other side effects of anxiety.
Phosphoric Acid is a mineral acid, used mostly to treat nausea.
Spigelia Anthelmia is a plant. It helps with problems related to the heart, but also migraines, dizziness, etc.

I think not watching horror films, although it annoys me, is a good idea. Subconsciously the shocking images could easily be a trigger. I would also advise drinking herbal tea, particularly chamomile, nothing with any caffeine.

I will report back once my month of using these remedies is over. I also have cut out caffeine and sugar, and since a while back all animal products of any kind.

Thanks for reading



Jessica Barensfeld & Simon Howell // Interior Design

I'm sorry to announce that I've been planning an outfit of the day post for ages, but I can't seem to get any fucking sunlight. It's been raining non stop. God Paris is so overrated I swear, the weather is as bad as England. 
Also when I woke up this morning, I was very sick. I think I ate too much pizza last night, but I was really not feeling it, so I went back to bed for a bit.

So I decided to share something I love instead of taking photos of myself (which I really don't wanna do right now). This interior, the house of Jessica Barensfeld & Simon Howell. These beautiful photos were taken for an interview on Freund von Freunden, so go check it out.

I just love all the bits and bobs, the organized chaos, the mix and match of old and new, it's really beautiful. It actually takes a lot of effort for your house to look shabby yet homely. 

I'm so sorry for the quick post, I promise to do an OOTD as soon as the sun shows it's fucking head. 

Thanks for reading x



Wednesday Wishlist // Cruelty free cosmetics, home goods & more.

Well, I don't want to sound big headed, but I am the number one best deal finder on the planet. If you want a thing, I can find the thing for cheap. Try me. I'll find the thing. So anyway, here is a lil list of some of the things I've been drooling over recently. All products shown here are vegan and cruelty free, so enjoy guilt free shopping.


LUSH "Damaged" - 9.95$ (20g)
Lush DAMAGED oil hair mask

My hair is so dry and frizzy right now, I don't know if it's the weather or just years of chemical dyes finally catching up to me. I'd really like a good smelling hair treatment, so I can make my hair all nice before annihilating it again. Hair dye forever.

Glossier Milky Jelly Cleanser - Currently out of stock (Will be restocked very soon).

I've seen so many beauty bloggers and vloggers talking about this cruelty free brand, and this cleanser looks so soft and classy. Like stilettos and champagne for your face. I've really only heard great things about it !

E.L.F Contour Palette - 8€ / 6$
E.L.F contour palette kit
I have wanted this for so long and it's finally back in stock ! But i'm also very poor this month ! Fuck everything ! 
No but e.l.f are bae. 


Urban Outfitters "Cooperative Scalloped Button-Front Mini Skirt" - 49$
Urban Outfitters vintage style button down skirt

Just look at it, it's fucking adorable. God dammit Urban, why you so expensive ?

Topshop "BEST lace up boots" - £39
Topshop low heel black boots

I would really like a pair of low heeled boots, cause I have heels that I never wear because I can't walk in them properly because I'm basically a man. I reckon these would be easy to walk in and comfortable, bonus points also because they're super frickin cute.

eBay Sheer Dotted Ankle Socks - £1.29
Cute cheap ankle socks

Cheap and adorable. I think these would look so good popping out of the top of my low DMs in the summer, paired with a midi skirt or something.


Vitacost  Organic Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds - 6.59$ (199g)
Organic Dark Chocolate Covered ALmonds Healthfood

Just because almonds x chocolate. Give me all the chocolate.

Balzacs Bolivian Roasted Organic Coffee Beans - 15$ (12 Oz)
Organic Roasted Coffee

I found this because of the packaging, it turned up on my pinterest, and since then I've been dying to buy a bag and crush me some fresh beans. Let me know if you've tried this brand, I'd love to know how good it tastes. I bet it's like sipping from gods private drinking pool.

Anthropologie Edible Beauty Tea - Green Goddess Detox - 26$ (3.5 Oz)
Anthropologie Green Detox Tea Organic

There are plenty of others teas on the same page, so flip through and find the one you like. I just thought green tea was a basic choice, and I couldn't go wrong. I love green tea, and it's so good for your immune system. I only drink it in the mornings or early afternoon though, because I suffer from insomnia so anything that could stop me sleeping is a big fat no.


eBay Mini Post It Notes - £0.99
Cheap Post It Sticky Notes Office & Desk Organization

ADORABLE ! CHEAP ! Life = complete. They send you a random color combination, but I mean all the colors are cute so whatevs.

eBay Marble Effect MacBook Sticker - £9.90
Marble Stone Effect Sticker MacBook Pro MacBook Air
I was just given a MacBook by my boyfriends sister (I know right, lucky bitch up in here), and he already has the same one, so I was looking at ways to make mine look cool, and make it easy to differentiate between the two. I thought this sticker was so fucking classy, and really affordable.

Bath & Body Works Black Teakwood Scented Candle - 12.50$
Black Teakwood Bath & Body Works Scented Candle
I don't know, it sounded like it smelt nice and I dig candles.

Modcloth Insect-or Gadget Travel Bottle - 29.99$

Vintage Sketch Insects Thermos Flask

How cool though ? How cool is this thermos ? I can feel myself filling this with Rooibos tea and hurling it in my handbag. I'm just so in love.


What's in my bag ?

You know what's legit one of my favorite posts to read & videos to watch ? "What's In My Bag", so I'm doing one.

what's in my bag céline

So my bag is an imitation of the Céline luggage thing, I got it on Amazon last year for 30 euros, you can here it out here, there are loads of colors. I really like it, especially because it's not real leather so no cruelty was involved. I actually prefer the look of the material to real leather, it's kind of grainy. Really good and sturdy, I carry a lot of heavy shit around and it holds up great. It comes with an optional shoulder strap which I originally thought I would use more, but it actually kind of changes the bag shape when you carry it with the shoulder strap and sort of pulls in the side flaps, which I really like, to I usually carry it with the handles. 

I'm not a very organised person, but I try to keep my bag clean, and always have what I need inside. Probably because I'm so unorganised, I need to know I have all my shit in my bag.
Welp anyway, here is a list of the shit I carry in my shit carrier.

what's in my bag céline

what's in my bag céline

what's in my make up bag

what's in my make up bag

  1. Small Make-Up Case.
I thought I'd start with this because there is loads more crap inside the little bag, and not just make up.
    - Paracetamol: Because I'm such a pussy.
    - Ear Plugs: You never know when you're going to want to have a sleep on the train and a baby will choose that moment to start screaming.
    - Tampons: Because, well, it's fairly obvious.
    - Lip Balm: For my little baby mouth.
    - Mascara: This mascara isn't very good, I got it in England when I was there last year at Poundland. It doesn't do much either than make my lashes blacker, and it's ok for touching up your mascara throughout the day.
    - Eyeliner: This is one of those twisty ones because I never manage to sharpen my eyeliners properly. It's not very pigmented though, so I just shove it in here for touch ups.
    - Perfume: Sephora Green tea sample. It smells pretty nice.
    - Deodorant: Cause, you know, what if you smell ?
    - Concealer: E.L.F Cream concealer, for touch ups.
    - Hydrating Cream: This was a free sample from Yves Rocher, I quite like and since it's so cute and tiny it's perfect for carrying around.
    - Hand Sanitizer: So if I decide I want a picnic after touching someones dog I won't die.
    - Compact Mirror: I found this in a thrift shop like, forever ago.
    - Rings: Because I put them on and then they make my fingers green so I put them in my case. I got these of eBay.

  2. Notebook
Just a little thing Baptiste gave me to write down shit when I'm out.

  3. Planner
I don't always carry this because sometimes when I'm writing in it at home I forget to put it back, but the intention is there. I usually carry it because otherwise I forget things before I write them down and end up panicking. My planner is an "Art Thérapie" planner, which has a coloring page a week. On the left side you have the seven days, and a new coloring page on the right. You can purchase it here for cheap.

  4. Gum
Because sometimes yeah, my breathe fucking stinks.

  5. Sunglasses
I have quite a few pairs of sunglasses but these are my favorite and the ones I wear the most. I should probably have a case for them but as I said earlier, unorganised, yo. You can purchase them here !

  6. Pencil Case
This just has a couple of little pens and pencils just for, you know, emergencies.

  7. Camera
At the moment I'm carrying my Praktica TL1000, although I usually prefer a little compact camera. I don't take so many photos anymore which is why I try and carry it, in case I get inspired suddenly in the frozen foods aisle.

  8. Wallet
Yeah I know it's missing a thing. I've had this for a few years now and it was quite cheap, I'll probably buy a new one soon. I do like the design though, and I prefer short wallets to those stupid long ones that don't fit anywhere but make you look like you have so much money.

  9. Fags
Gotta have mah fags yo. I smoke roll ups and I choose Fleur du Pays Blonde tobacco, because it's the only brand that I'm sure doesn't test on animals, and it tastes good. I normally have Rizla Micron papers, which I don't think you can get anywhere else but France, which is a shame because they're super thin and don't make your fag taste all papery. Pro tip: don't use thick papers for gods sake, you make as well smoke a roll of loo paper.

  10. Passport
I'm always forgetting to take this places, and then people don't believe that I'm over 18 for buying drink, or that I'm under 26 for getting into museums for free. Ugh.

  10. Tote Bag
I got this little orange tote at the Tate Modern in London, it was super cheap and a nice souvenir. I have a couple of tote bags and I always keep one stuffed in the bottom on my bag just in case I decide to pick up some shopping and don't want to buy yet another plastic bag to throw in the cupboard.

  10. Book
I don't always carry a copy of the shining, but it was in my bag 'cause I sometimes take a book on the bus. Good times.

  10. Phone
My phone is a Samsung smart phone, I think it's a Galaxy Ace something. It's not very good anymore, it's so laggy and annoying, but the camera isn't too bad, I mean it's no iPhone camera, but it's good enough for selfies. I have a Vans "Off the Wall" case I bought from eBay here.

So there it is, the contents of my shit fest, minus the receipts, tobacco flakes, chewing gum wrappers, et cetera. I usually have a water bottle, a plastic one from the shops that I fill up or buy when I inevitably lose it. I know, the planet hates me, but for gods sake reusable drinking bottles are expensive dammit. Sure I'd love a tumblr-esque glass bottle that I can put cut up bits of lemon in for "aesthetic", but last time I checked I wasn't Bill Gates. 

I would just like to ask how the FUCK people who always carry around snacks actually manage. Like, if I have a snack in my handbag, I'm either going to eat it as soon as I leave, or I will have already eaten it while watching TV. I can't just leave tasty snacks in my handbag like, what ?

Welp, hope to see you back again soon.



Product empties & reviews

Today I decided to collect up all my empty bottles and pots of goo that I have lying around, and before throwing them out (or, in the case of the lush items, putting them somewhere safe so when I have collected 5 I can exchange them for a free item), take some photos and review them here. So here are the empty pots I have acquired since, well probably about January. Obviously there are plenty of products that I have thrown the packages away, so this is just a snippet of some shit I have tried over the winter. I'm sorry for all the non cruelty free products, but I only recently decided to use only cruelty free products, so I'm still using up some of my old shit. Also, you can now Follow my blog with Bloglovin if you want.

LUSH - "Dream Cream" Body Cream

Lush Dream Cream Body Cream Review

Probably my favorite body cream I've ever used. The smell is just amazing, musky and floral. It's made with oats and lavender, and oh my god do they smell gooooood.  It is not too thick and sticky, but also not too liquid. Perfect consistency, hydrating it and leaving it smelling amazing. The only thing I would say is it stays a little bit wet on the skin for a few minutes, so after applying I would usually wait 5 minutes before putting clothes on.

LUSH Online Store

LUSH - "H'suan Wen Hua" Hair Mask
H'Suan Wen Hua Lush Hair Mask Review

I'd never actually used one before trying this. It's made with spices, bananas, avocados and more; this includes unfortunately, eggs. I wouldn't repurchase this product because I didn't actually know there were eggs in it. Although, it is a good product, I love the smell and consistency, and it does make my hair feel soft. However it didn't make a huge difference, and having to apply it to dry hair and leave on for 20 minutes is kind of a pain, considering it isn't as softening as a good conditioner. But it did leave a nice smell ! It did feel like my hair was softer / shinier after use, but meh. I would recommend buying a good conditioner instead, and making your life easier.

LUSH Online Store

YVES ROCHER - "Sebo Végétal" Face Cream
☆ - Not cruelty free
Yves Rocher Face Cream Review

Would've given this 5 stars if it was cruelty free; this company has recently begun shipping their products to China; as you may or may not know, the laws on animal testing are different there, and so any company that knowingly exports to China is basically an accessory to animal testing, even if the company itself doesn't run the tests. This really bugs me, because I love this god damn cream. The smell is so fresh and summery, like fresh cut grass. It hydrated my face without giving me any spots or oily patches. Fuck you Yves Rocher.

YVES ROCHER - "Sébo Végétal" Face Mask
☆ - Not cruelty free
Yves Rocher Purifying Clay Mask Review

Very very drying. It was nice and had the same scent as the face cream, but it was uncomfortable to wear and made my face very dry. However, the combination with the cream was nice, because the cream re-hydrated after using the mask. But then it just begs the question, what was the point ? I made my skin dry and then hydrated it. I didn't notice any visible difference in blemishes. But god damn it smelt good, and you know, it's always nice to put on a face mask.

AUSSIE - "Miracle Moist" Conditioner
☆ - Not cruelty free
Aussie Miracle Moist Conditioner Review

I thought this was cruelty free for the longest time and I'm so disappointed to find out it isn't ! I love this conditioner so much, the smell, the feel, and the way it makes my hair look. My hair is so soft and shiny after using it it feels like a baby angel took a dump on my head. If anyone knows of a really good vegan conditioner, I'm all ears. Fuck you Aussie !

NIVEA - "Soft" Body & Face Cream
 - Not cruelty free
Nivea Soft Body Cream Cheap Review

Very cheap body cream and works surprisingly well. Smells like fresh cotton and definitely hydrates. Not as nice smell/consistency as the lush dream cream, but soooo much cheaper. Would not buy this again, as it is tested on animals.

L'OREAL - "Architect 4D" Mascara
☆ -  Not cruelty free
L'Oreal Lash Architect 4D Mascara Review

I loved this mascara. I knew this wasn't cruelty free but at the time I bought it I wasn't bothered. It really lengthened and separated my lashes ! Usually mascaras that are very lengthening kind of clump together, but this truly was a beaut. However, there are PLENTY of cruelty free mascaras that work just as well or better, like Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara, or if you're low on money, E.L.F mascara is a good choice, although it ain't quite as good, it stands up okay, just be aware of clumping. I run an eyebrow brush (the two sided ones with the plastic comb) through my eyelashes after freshly applying mascara if it goes clumpy.

Welp, those are all the empties I could find scattered about my room/bathroom. Let me know if you enjoyed these reviews, and I'll keep it in mind for a later blog post.

Keep ballin'


Spring-spiration // March favorites

As you may have noticed, we are well into April / Spring now, but as you also may or may not know, I am a highly skilled procrastinator, and that is why I am posting shit about Spring on April 12th.
I know it's been over a month since I blogged, but honestly I've just been chillin. Nothing much to blog about, unless you're interested in how much I played League of Legends, which I doubt.

Anyway, I decided to look to Pinterest for some good inspo for blogging, and decided to pick some of my favorite things over the last month and group them together. If you're interested in my Pinterest, check it out here.


So first of all I'm going to talk about fashion inspiration for Spring/Summer 2016. I don't keep up with what's actually 'on trend', because that's too much effort, but here are some things I've been loving.

March Fashion Favorites Clothes Shoes Beauty Pinterest

1.Matte Grey Nails.
You may notice the neutral colors in all my favorites, I just really dig neutrals right now, for everything; fashion, home decor, whatever. Neutrals for the win. I just thought these were a beautiful choice, matte nails are so lovely, and I usually only wear black nail polish (if I even wear any), and I thought grey was a nice alternative with won't clash with anything. And I really hate all the time consuming nail art I see, like it takes an hour to get right just so you can watch it crack off after a day ? Nail polish should be quick and easy dude.

2.Floral Blouse.
I found this on Pinterest and I just love the print. As a wise woman once said, "Florals for spring ? How original". But what the hell, florals ARE good for Spring, so shut it Meryl.
I have a few similar pairs of shorts, and I mean if you want to go high-end you can always shop Levis, at least they'll be durable, but you could also just buy a pair of mom jeans from a thrift store and cut them down. Lucky me I live somewhere where I can snag Levis in a second hand shop for pennies, but for those of you that can't, just pick any high waisted blue jeans and cut and roll, or if that's too much effort, just pick up a cheap-o pair from an online store like this pair from SheIn. These kind of shorts have been in style for a really long time, and I think if you own a pair you'll definately get your money's worth.
As for the blouse, I have looked all over and could only find a sold listing on Etsy that looked exactly the same, but I mean, floral shirts aren't exactly a rarity, you can pick them up at any thrift store. I did find this lovely blouse for just 15 dollars, though. I personally own a floral blouse which is a similar cut, but not print.

3. Black Birkenstock Sandals.
I've wanted some Birkenstocks for pretty much ever, but as I am now a vegan I won't be buying real leather ones. However I do really like the design of these ones, and wanted to put them here anyway. They're sold out on UO, but you can purchase similar ones on Birkenstocks official website, or try your luck on eBay.

4. This whole outfit
This outfit is so simple and so cute. Like I said, NEUTRALS people. This is originally from this girls Tumblr.
Obviously I don't need to help you find a basic t-shirt or high waisted black jeans. Also I believe the shoes are vintage, but I think this would look just as good with some low black Dr Martens. I have a fake pair purchased from h&m because Dr Martens are hella expensive; lots of high street shops do a version of low DM's so keep your eyes open. There's also this pair on SheIn, which are for sure a cheaper option, even if they're not exactly the same.

5. Mum Jeans
I grabbed my pair of these for nothing on Romwe. The previous link is to the exact pair I own, and I honestly can't complain, they are really lovely. I love Romwe, it's so affordable and they're always having mega sales. The quality isn't much to rave about, but the prices are so low, what did you expect. I mean they're not terrible quality, my jeans for example are pretty great; sometimes you just might get a sweatshirt with arms that are too short and a snag appears, but it's still a good website, and I have ordered many times and will again. Of course if you want to flash the cash, go for Levis, obviously.

6. Black Maxi Dress
This exact dress is available here for 48USD. I personally am going to try and make myself a similar one, as I have a little bit of experience sewing and I thought it would be a fun project, so I'll keep you updated when I start.
I have never really liked maxi dresses, but I think a basic black one with such a simple cut is a really nice item to have for summer. I also love mesh, and dresses you can wear bra's with, because I'm busty and proud.


For this section, I'm really into wood and ceramics at the moment. Obviously still neutral colors, lots of light and fresh air.

March Home Interior DIY Favorites

1. Palette Bed 
Me and Baptiste are going to put our bed up on palettes, we really like the idea, and since our bed is just on the floor it's a good recipe for mould. It looks really good and costs nothing if you repurpose old palettes, sometimes you can find them out in the street. Also, I love wood.

2. Crate Storage
This is another nice low cost idea. We have turned up some of these crates under the rats cage for extra storage and keeping them off the cold floor. It's really useful for shoving shoes in and looks really cute. You can buy these from Etsy or eBay, but you can probably grab them cheaper in thrift stores or sometimes at the dump.

3. Wooden Utensils.
These are so beautiful and unique, I couldn't find the link to these exact ones but you can pick up handmade wooden utensils on Etsy, in thrift stores, or try your hand at making them yourself. I particularly like the wooden bowls, and so I found these cute ones (less cute, but also much cheaper) ones on Amazon.

4. Ceramics
These particular ceramics are by Helen Levi. I really love handmade ceramic kitchenware in neutral tones. I think these would look amazing next to some wooden bowls...


With the arrival of Spring, we need less hot comfort foods and more fresh, salad-y type nonsense. Or whatever, I just like food, all food, all day, every day.

March vegan healthy food favorites

1. Vegan Garlic Bread
Garlic bread. That is all.
No but seriously, garlic bread. Since I have recently become a vegan, I've been looking up vegan ways to make foods I love, and Garlic Bread is very important in every way. These breadsticks look so effing good I want to lick my screen. Also, garlic bread.

2. Improved Smoothies.
So who doesn't love smoothies. This particular pin is for an Acai smoothie, but personally I prefer red fruit. Baptiste makes the best smoothies, filled with strawberries, rasperries, bananas, almond milk and freshly made apple juice.
But I also wanted to talk about vavooming up your shit. Personally I do this with soya yoghurt rather than smoothies; I add a handful of crushed almonds, a handful of oats, some raisins and sometimes a drop of agave syrup (if I'm not sharing with my ratties). It's quick, easy, vegan, and delicious. Oh, and cheap. Also, my rats live for that shit, and it does them a lot of good for their little tummies.

3. Sun Dried Tomato & Basil Hummus
Hummus is my jam. I could eat it by the spoonful all day and not get bored. Mostly, that's because you can make it different every time, by adding a tad more or less spice, tahini, some different herbs, etc. This recipe for sun dried tomato hummus is calling my name so hard. I'm gonna make this bitch and I'm gonna eat this bitch, you just watch.

4. Mediterranean Grilled Avocado
If someone whispers avocado 3 miles away I appear in the shadows. I love avocado more than a sane person should love any food, and when I saw "stuffed with chickpeas and tahini", my first thought was HUMMUS AVOCADO. Double kill.
I will report back on these once I have had the joy of consuming them.

I was going to do a whole new section about crafts and such, but I figure this post has gone on long enough, and I would like to do an entire post about what I've been crafting and my inspiration.
I hope you enjoyed this post, see y'all soon !